Confidence and Control

One of the appealing things for me about this whole running adventure has been the ability to take control of something, and something big and meaningul at that.  I do very well at being organized, motivated, and on top of things...in a controlled setting.  I have not achieved that "controlled setting" at my house.  I have hope that I will get there, eventually, one messy corner at a time.  Or rather, that we will get there as a family.  But meanwhile, running is a sort of sub-set of my life that I've been able to keep manageable.  I make it a priority (Alan has helped a lot with that), I'm obsessive about reading and research and tracking my progress, and I'm enjoying all my little achievements along the way. 

Given all this, I was kind of freaking out about how soon my first road race is coming up.  The original plan was to do a 6K in mid-May, so I had to scramble a bit to prepare for a 5K a month earlier.
But Monday's run was really good.  I had done 2.8 miles outdoors on Saturday, but I walked several sections of it and generally felt overwhelmed.  It was only my third time running outside and I'm still learning to negotiate traffic and terrain and cool air in my lungs and wind in my face.  My training schedule said I needed to run 3 miles on Monday, so I hit the track after work determined to go the distance and to run as much of it as possible.  Being inside the beautiful rec center probably helped me, as did the coke I had in the afternoon, but I think the biggest difference was my mp3 player.  I had found earlier in my training that I could only handle music if the beat perfectly matched my running (and breathing) tempo; otherwise it was way too distracting and fiddling around trying to find a good song was near impossible while I was still trying to remind myself to breathe.  This time around I did land on a couple songs that happened to match my pace, but I was also able to keep my pace when the music didn't match, as long as it was upbeat and fun.  So I listened to ABBA the whole time and the laps sailed on by!  In the end I decided I could do 3 miles AND the extra bit to make it a 5K, but I also got a little giddy and temporarily forgot how many miles that is, so I did 3.2!  My time was 38:33 which is pretty much exactly my usual 12 minute mile.  I felt really proud of myself and did a little happy dance in the locker room when no one was looking.  I'm still nervous that I will fall apart on race day when I am a) outdoors and b) over-excited, but I do know for certain that I am capable of running the entire distance (plus a tenth!).  So my plan is to set my pace, stick to it, and constantly remind myself Obama-style that YES I CAN!  I should download "Confidence" from the Sound of Music.  Ooh! another milestone: I'm thinking about a running playlist!!

On a related note, I recently read a wonderful and simple definition of how we gain self-esteem:

"Self esteem expands when we accomplish things that take effort and have value for us."

Not only does this explain why 3.2 makes me dance in the locker room, but I think this will be great insight for raising happy, capable children, particularly as Madeline launches into that dreaded pre-teen girl territory.

Getting back to next week's race, though, I have much more immediate concern:
What to wear?!?  I also desperately need a haircut [I'm serious, Alan: get out the clippers!] and I have a nail appointment on Saturday.  I'm thinkin' Flo-Jo... for the fingers, though, not the wardrobe!

Any thoughts??